Dark Mood

I am in a dark mood.. woke up this morning and nothing is right, everything is an effort and the whole world has decided not to cooperate with me.
I have things planned for this Sunday which I have been putting off and putting off.. work and chores and a million other things I haven't had time for the past two weeks which are now looming as potential problems and simply HAVE to be dealt with today... but while I was sleeping last night, there was a world conference, a conspiracy to keep  me from the things I HAVE to do.. mean, unkind nasty people all decided that today would be the day that NOTHING would go my way.

I have steered a wide birth of my husband, other than snapping at him a couple of times when he dared to ask me a question I have tried to stay as far as possible from him as possible because I know that he is probably in on the conspiracy and is just watching and waiting for me to loose it with someone or something so that he can give me that spanking he has been warning me is long overdue.  In fact perhaps he orchestrated this entire production just so that he could!

Even the birds are irritating... so cheerful.. not to mention the sun shine and the neighbours children playing happily in their pool.  Why wouldn't anyone settle for a simple breakfast this morning?  Noooo.. they had to have the full spread and then all disappear off to their pleasant activities while I cleaned and loaded the dishwasher.  The next person who thinks about saying "Good" morning is going to get it I swear!!!

The end to this day is predictable .. and it wont be pretty, I cant help it though, I am out of control, I feel like I am being sucked into a vortex.  I am weepy and irritable and the more I hear myself snarling and listen to the voice in my head... the more unhappy I become.  This isn't me!  I am not a moody obnoxious person!  I have to stop before say something hurtful. I thought that writing this might help.  I hope it does.

I am going to go about my chores now but I'll update this post later this evening about whether posting this did help.  Have any of you had dark moods like this.. out of the blue.. for no reason whatsoever?
How do you deal with it?

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I wish my bottom was aching and not my heart

This week my kitten died, and I thought that my heart would break.  It was sick for a very short while with a virus called sniffles and then just when the vet thought it was getting better.. it died.  I was absolutely heart broken. My husband was very supportive, even though he was also upset he was, as always my rock.  He comforted me and supported me and held me tight as I sobbed in his arms that night.  He pampered me, made excuses for me when I was tired and miserable over the  next couple of days and was kind and loving and tolerant.  He is always kind and loving and tolerant to a point, but this week, he went the extra mile for me, things that would usually have earned me a stinging bottom, were somehow swept aside unnoticed.

Comments that would usually have attracted 'that' look, or a stern reprimand, simply went unheard!

Did I appreciated it? Yes I did! Did I love him more for it? Yes I did! Was it the desired outcome? No!!

For the first time I really wanted him to spank me, I wanted to have an aching bottom and and not an aching heart, I wanted to be able to just cry and cry and cry and get it all out, but he kept being tolerant and loving and forgiving.  I wondered, if anyone else has ever felt frustrated, from the lack of a spanking?  Have you ever gone out of your way to look for a spanking, and no matter what you did, not been able to achieve it?

If so, how did you handle it?  Has anyone had the courage to ask for a spanking?  If so.. did you get what you asked for?

Are we, or are we not... complex beings?

Spanking Sorority

Today I had my bottom  unceremoniously spanked.  It wasn't a harsh spanking, it was one of those impromptu spur of the moment kind of spankings, we were in the garage and my husband decided to move my car.  We have a rule that I am not allowed to allow my petrol gauge to drop below a quarter of a tank. I was reminded on Thursday when it was just above the level, I was sternly advised on Friday when it had fallen to below the quarter mark, and it just slipped my mind.  My husband felt that it was time to remind me that 'He doesn't like to speak twice'.  He took me by the arm to the back of the garage, bent me over a work bench and spanked me really hard with his hand.  I have had some pretty stinging hand spankings before but this one really took my breath away.

Do you find that sometimes, when you know that you are  guilty, the spanking seems to hurt more?  I do, and I am convinced it is because I 'give myself over' to the spanking.  I don't hold myself back, I know I am wrong I accept that I deserve to be spanked and I cooperate as I can, even though my heart feels like its falling through my feet.  I am a willing participant because I realise, like I did today, that my behaviour was negligent and dangerous (we live in South Africa and it's not safe to run out of gas, especially after dark, which is what happened to me once before... and  is what got this rule implemented - along with a dose of his belt and the crop).

This evening when I sat down to read the blogs I usually do, and have been doing for the last five years, I decided to write my own, to share my experiences and to find out if others have similar ones to mine.

Here's to my spanking sonority and to sharing similar stores in a dis-similar world

picture courtesy of : http://spankingpics.richardwindsor.com/